Hidden domestic dangers

For the most part, the new house is great. We need some furniture here and there, but the bedroom is much larger, we have a huge closet, two nice balconies and the living room is cosy. There is however one major disadvantage to this house. And that is...

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The Despicable Doom of The Shelf Toilet



The Shelf Toilet is, I believe, a uniquely European object. It may even be a uniquely Dutch one, I'm not sure. But it is without a doubt disgusting, and I have one in my home.

It was awhile before I found out that our new house had one of the dreaded Shelf Toilets because we didn't take a close enough look in the bathroom while being shown around. But once I found out that our bathroom was equipped with one, I was seriously depressed. Why? you might ask, it's just a toilet. Oh no, it is not. The Shelf Toilet is called such because instead of having the hole near the back with a little puddle of water back there, it has the hole near the front with a large flat area in the middle of the toilet (the horrendous "Shelf"). Without getting too graphic, when you do your business, it does not hide away down near the bottom of the toilet in some water, it sits there on the Shelf in visual and smelly nastiness, just daring you to flush it away. I have found though, that flushing just makes it stink even more, so really there is no good solution.

I do not know who designed The Shelf Toilet, or more to the point, why anyone would place one in their house, but someone placed one in our house, and I'd love to get rid of it. O though doesn't see what the big deal is -- one moment where his Dutchness seems to be peeking through. I discussed The Shelf Toilet, though, with two co-workers -- one Irish, one English -- and both find it to be a disgusting thing to foist onto someone else. The Irish co-worker also shared the story about a mate who once threw up the morning after a night of drinking, but it wasn't from the booze -- it was from the stench that emanated after using a Shelf Toilet. I tell you, the things just ain't right.

Neither O nor I know any plumbing to be able to get rid of the thing on our own, plus he doesn't have the motivation to change it. I'd almost consider buying the Time-Life Guide to Plumbing so I could learn how to replace a toilet and I'd do a switch one day when O is not home. But I don't think that'd be happening any time soon. In the meantime, I apologize to all visitors to our house who use our toilet. We didn't choose it, it was there when we got here. But if you have some plumbing skills and some time to spare, you could help put us (or, rather, me) out of my misery.