Life After God

Things have been feeling a bit drab lately. Maybe it's the endlessness of winter, forgetting what it's like to enjoy going outside or to be warm. I've seen friends quite a bit in the past couple of months, which has been good, but I still feel lazy and like I should be doing so much more. I feel like I have cabin fever.

And a couple of days ago I started reading Life After God by Douglas Coupland. I didn't know what to expect really, but it seemed like a good choice for the next book to read. I haven't read a Douglas Coupland book in awhile, not since I lived in England and I borrowed Shampoo Planet and Girlfriend in a Coma from my friend who recommended them. It's been interesting to get back into his voice. O bought the book at some point awhile ago and only read part of it before being too depressed by it. For me, however, it's just what I needed. Well, some of the stories I've read so far are better than others, but still, I like the overall tone. It reads fast since it has rather large type and is broken into little 1-2 page sections, with little drawings at the top of each section. Last night I read the story "Gettysburg", which is a bit overdramatic and sad, but kind of hit home for me. A wife leaves her husband suddenly because she says she's fallen out of love with him, and says that it's hard to feel much of anything anymore, that the time is gone for her when the world seemed exciting and mysterious. It's something I've been battling with for years, feeling like so much of my excitement for things is gone and that any feelings of true happiness are rare and fleeting. I'm happy I have O though, I'm not about to drop him in any way, and I know it's not just out of convenience or fearing leaving him more than staying with him. I know I want to be with him, and I do appreciate it still and try not to take it for granted. Still, I feel old sometimes, like my life mirrors my parents' life too much. I wonder though if I'll ever have the energy and strength to really change.